According to Dr. Holan Liang, it is important to have a sense of belonging in order to be happy. She makes strong points for how belonging mitigates adjustment when you are an immigrant, as well, as for those struggling with mental health issues.
I noticed this thwarted desire for belonging in many of my patients with diminished mental health.
Her patients ranged from “high flyers turned desparate housewives”, teenagers with eating disorders, people fighting unrealistic parental expectations and societal pressures, and people dealing with intimate partner violence. All were desperate to belong, to feel included. Dr. Holan Liang even stated that she struggled with this growing up as an immigrant to Britain and worries about this for her mixed race children.
What is the solution? It is to create our own environment of belonging. She said, “t’s all too easy to remember the hurtful racism and discrimination my family faced when I was growing up, but I can also remember” the kindnesses of white people towards her mother. This is something that I’ve advised my clients over the last couple years with mounting racial injustice. Create your own community of people who are supportive, who share your values and are allied to help with the issues you have (i.e., mental health issues, LGBTQ issues, gender issues in dominantly male spaces, domestic partner violence or emotional abuse, etc.).
Like Dr. Holan Liang, I too chose to believe that there are good people out there, willing to help, willing to include those who are feeling excluded. I choose to foster that belief and help others create their environment of belonging.
You can read Dr. Holan Liang’s book A Sense of Belonging: How to Find Your Way in a Fractured World