In her recent article, Juliet Rosenfield, a psychotherapist discusses How to Rebuild a Life after the Death of a Partner. She stated that the process of grief has been complicated in recent years by a global pandemic. She also shares that our lack of grief education also makes this process difficult for survivors.
She states, “While there is no hierarchy of bereavement, the death of a partner is among the most profound losses. The death of the adult you love the most, an especially cruel experience. I know this as I was widowed at 45. Andrew’s death was sudden, unforeseen, and the psychological impact took many years to understand – much longer than I would ever have imagined, had I ever allowed myself to. I was used to working with bereaved patients; I believed myself to be prepared. I wasn’t.”
We join her in her concern for the increased number of referrals from the pandemic. We have also been calling colleagues in search of vacancies so that we can place the referrals that we cannot take. We feel great responsiblity to help people mangage their anxiety, depression, grief, stress and other mental health issues better under these dire circumstances.
One of the challenges of being widowed or a widower according to her is that “Humans are programmed to be in couples. They are all around you – and you are single. Your status suddenly changes from two to one.”
“But a bereaved person is not a single person. Someone loved you and you continue to love them. “
Rather, she urges the rest of us to give survivors space and time. Allow them their memories. Remember they were once two.
Do “not degrade or diminish the stature of the loving state of mind they had with their lost person. Gradually, the grief ebbing away, the mourning beginning, they may start to join the rest of us again.” She leaves us with “love continues, transforms even, when the loving object is gone. Eventually, someone becomes defined, not by loss, but by love.”
To read the article published May 1 in it’s entirety in The Guardian, use the link above.
